I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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