soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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