She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
