Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
