and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
