The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
