Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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