Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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