Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
