Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
