I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
