I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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