bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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