you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
