my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
