WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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