i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
