Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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