I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
