so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
