i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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