morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
