at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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