I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
