Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
