I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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