he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
