he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I touched a dick in church today
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
