Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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