just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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