i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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