Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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