I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
