Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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