it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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