her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
