What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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