Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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