Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need to calm my uterus...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
