Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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