Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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