I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
