i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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