I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
