After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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