dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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