Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
