Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
