They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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