i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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