I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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