normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
