I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
