high people should be assigned attendants
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
