im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
