oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
