That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
