PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
