6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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