Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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