Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize