I wish I only lived at night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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