Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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