i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
