Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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