Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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