just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
