Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize