She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
