We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
